


A Day in the Life

by lexical_lethe



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:55:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28964982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexical_lethe/pseuds/lexical_lethe
Summary: A crack collection about life in the survey corps starring Levi, Erwin, and Hange.
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as part of a Attack on Titan themed dnd campaign I'm running. In game it's supposed to be a collection of weekly serials that depict life in the Survey Corps. It's produced by the Survey Corps as a way to bolster recruitment.

“Can I help you with that?” Commander Smith leaned over his newest recruit as he struggled to lift a small bag of potatoes.

“No.” Levi glared up at him. Way up at him. Too far, if you asked him. Humans were not meant to be so tall. He looked as if he might collapse like a poorly built tower in a windstorm.

“But it looks so heavy, and you’re so short.” Commander Smith continued to lean over him, squinting as if Levi were difficult to see from such a great height. Levi worried the Commander might fall over, he did look rather top heavy. He took a step back, out of timber range.

“Fuck you I’m not that short. You’re just irrationally tall.” He laughed, then looked mildly angry. Well fuck, this wasn’t how Levi meant to start his first day, pissing off the big guy in charge.

“Careful, Levi, I might get the impression you don’t want to be here.”

“That’s because I don’t want to be here. Or did you forget about how you blackmailed me?”  
“Oh, yeah, that. Well,” Commander Smith clapped his hands together and smiled cheerfully, “no use dwelling on the past, you’re here now so try to have a good attitude. And it wouldn’t hurt if you grew a little.”

After that speech, the commander trotted off, presumably to find other people to loom over. Levi resumed his task of moving the new supplies into the storehouse. Well it wasn’t really his task, per say, but someone had to do it and all anyone else seemed to do around here was fly around in that stupid ODM gear. It wasn’t that Levi didn’t appreciate the feeling of flying, it was more that he also appreciated a semblance of order.

This semblance of order was quickly interrupted when he looked up at the sun and realized he was woefully late for practice with aforementioned stupid ODM gear. As if anyone could focus on learning maneuvers in this sty.

Leaving the potatoes in the middle of the courtyard -- and honestly who thought fifty pounds was a reasonable size for a bag of potatoes, maybe if you were a fucking giant -- Levi ran across the yard to where the other recruits had gathered for training.

“Look who decided to show up.” Flagon looked over from where he was helping a recruit adjust her belts. Somehow this girl had graduated from the cadets without ever learning how to put on her own ODM gear. Where did the Survey Corps find these people? “Just because you’re some hot-shot special recruit doesn’t mean you don’t need to train. I don’t know how criminal scum like you even got into the Survey Corps in the first place.” Flagon was still talking. Levi should probably pay attention, but honestly it all sounded very similar to what the man had said to him yesterday, and, to be honest, Levi was too tired to listen to a lecture. He yawned. “Am I boring you Levi?” Damn, Flagon had noticed. Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

“Actually yes, I know all these maneuvers and Headquarters isn’t going to clean itself, and neither, it seems, is anyone else going to clean it. So if it pleases you, I’d like to go clean instead.”

Flagon cleared his throat, spit on the ground, and said “What would a street-rat like you know about cleaning anyway? I’d think you’d feel right at home in the dirt.” Levi had to physically hold himself back from attacking the man. Not because of the insult, but because he’d just swept that part of the training yard and now it had spit on it. Levi didn’t normally condone capital punishment, but some people deserved it, like people who spat on the ground, and people who didn’t at least put their dishes to soak after a meal. Yes, crusty dish people and spitters both deserved to hang as far as Levi was concerned.

He looked at Flagon and said, coldly, “Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had.”

The recruits and Flagon looked at him strangely, Levi had never had a day of school in his life, but he was starting to get the impression he might be more well-read than anyone in the Survey Corps. Which, given Levi was actually illiterate, was quite the feat.


	2. Chapter 2

Erwin walked into his office. He walked out of his office and checked the room number. He walked back into his office. He walked out of his office, walked down the hall, checked the floor number, then walked back down the hall, checked the room number again, and then walked back into his office. There was a portrait of a blond man on the floor in front of the door. Strange. Erwin knelt to examine the portrait closer, the portrait knelt too. It wasn’t a portrait. The floor was so shiny clean that it gave off a perfect reflection. Erwin looked around, this wasn’t his office. He walked back outside to check the room number for the third time. It was his office. But it didn’t look like his office. Someone had changed it. It looked...clean. Erwin took another step into the room to examine the strangely tidy desk and walked right into a short figure. For a moment he thought there was a child lost in his office, then he recognized Levi.

“Sorry, didn’t see you there.” Levi just glared up at him, his face covered with a cloth cleaning mask, his hair tied back, and a soapy bucket in one hand. “Care to explain why my office looks like a restaurant before the health inspector visits?”

Levi shrugged, “It was dirty, so I cleaned it. You’re welcome.” He turned to leave. 

“My office wasn’t dirty, I swept it before the last expedition.” Erwin frowned, at least he thought that was when he’d swept it, come to think of it, it may have been the expedition before last. Not that it mattered, it was his office and it was clean enough.

“That was two months ago.” Levi hesitated and looked at him as if to gauge his reaction, “Sir.”

“I don’t like when you call me sir, it sounds condescending.” Erwin glared down at Levi trying to tell if he was being insulted or not. He suspected he was. “You’re not being condescending, are you?”

“Of course not, Sir.” He was definitely being condescending.

Erwin sighed, “Goodnight Levi.”

“Goodnight, Commander.” Levi left, taking his various cleaning supplies with him.

Erwin settled down at his now clean desk to work on paperwork. Levi had carefully replaced each stack of papers in the same spot after cleaning. He had to admit, it was nice to be able to sort through his papers without stirring up clouds of dust.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hange, do you know how much they pay new recruits?” Levi began talking before he even entered the room, bursting through the door without knocking.

“Huh?” Hange looked up at him, squinting through those ridiculous glasses of hers. “I would guess not all that much. The Survey Corps is mostly a volunteer position.”

“Then you know what it means when I tell you I spent 5 gold pieces of my own money to get Kruger to draw a sketch of your work table and a sketch of the compost pile behind the stables.” Levi tossed two drawings onto the table before her. “Can you tell me which one is your work table?”

Hange pointed, uncertainly, at the drawing on the left. Levi sighed in long-suffering frustration.

“They’re both your work table Four-eyes. Clean up before I have you evicted.”

“You can’t do that. Only the commander can evict me.” She narrowed her eyes at him from behind her smuggy glasses. “You know, Levi, this is why you have trouble making friends, you’re much too demanding.”

Levi spluttered indignantly.

“I’m demanding? It’s not demanding to expect to live in an area that’s fit for human habitation. I’m sure half this place isn’t up to code, all the fire exits are blocked by clutter and there’s garbage everywhere. If I called the zoning committee, I could probably get this whole Headquarters condemned.”

Levi stopped abruptly as Commander Smith stuck his head in, “What are you talking about? Who’s getting condemned?”

“I was just explaining to Levi why he has trouble making friends.” Hange pipped up, looking up from her microscope, which she had started using again as soon as Levi began speaking, ignoring him in favor of what appeared to be an ordinary rock.

“He does have quite a bit of trouble with that. I think it’s because he nags too much.” Erwin stared down at him speculatively, “also he’s easy to overlook, what with his head ending several feet below eye level and all.”

“I’m not short, you’re just absurdly tall.” Levi glared at the commander’s stomach, refusing to look up at the man.

“I’m sorry did you hear something Hange? I thought I heard someone talking to my knees.” Commander Smith looked down at Hange sitting at her desk, noticing her just fine.

“I’ve been working on that, no matter what I do he’s always going to be several heads shorter than the rest of the Corps, but I think I might be able to make the problem slightly less noticeable.” Hange pulled a pair of six inch stilettos, “Here Levi, I’ve made some adjustments so you can wear them with your ODM gear.”

Levi took one look at the shoes and walked out the door. He was below their eye line, so Hange and the commander didn’t even notice.


End file.
